"Just Another Manic Monday"

My 3 year old son has this game he plays called "The Falling Game" where he stands on the arm of my couch and trust-falls, face first, onto the couch cushions. I regularly discourage this game (and am regularly ignored like all good mothers). Today I said "you know what Declan? I don't want to see that game anymore!" I walk out of the room and return to him mid-trust-fall. I said "Declan! What did I JUST say?" He replies "Umm, you said you didn't want to see my game. So, you just go back in the kitchen where you don't see me."  Between the 1/2" of sleet outside and his smart-ass-self I am NOT ok today. I am just not.

"My Messy Beautiful" Essay Submission Coming Soon!

Readers!  I took a leap of faith a week or so ago and signed up to be part of a "challenge" put out there by my favorite, famous, fellow-mommy blogger, Glennon Doyle Melton.  She blogs via Momastery  and is the author of  "Carry On Warrior."  If you don't already follow this blog, please do!  She's an amazing writer and her authenticity is striking.  I have been validated over and over again by her honest experiences beginning with my favorite article of hers:  "Quit Pointing Your Avocado At Me!"
It was the first article of hers that I had ever read and I read it repeatedly to laugh and remind myself that I'm not alone in this motherhood thing.  Her writing has been a real source of inspiration for me in my motherhood and, more specifically, in my new commitment to blogging about my personal journey in parenting.  

So, today I received an email back from the Momastery organization with instructions to submit my own "My Messy Beautiful" essay.  From there it will be made available for a wider reading audience via Momastery and the top five will be featured by Glennon herself through her blog!  I am so excited to participate in this!  Be on the lookout for my submission and please throw a prayer up for me!  I'm still pondering what to focus on and how to write it but I need to do this.  It'll be the first step I've taken in quite some time down the road of actually believing in myself once again.  I have no expectation of being one of the top five chosen but to even submit, beyond my small, personal audience that I currently have, a story so personal will be a humongous step for me!

I think "Mommy In Me" will be starting a twitter account and a Pinterest board of its' own in the coming weeks as well, to help get the word out.  Be on the look out friends and, as always, thank you SO MUCH for reading!

-K

Our New CRAZY Fitness Routine And Why It Is Working SO Well!

So, since I announced in my "Lent and Turning 30" article that Joel and I have taken on P90x3, folks have been asking about our progress.  I figured every few weeks or so I'll give you an update to satisfy your potential curiosity and to help keep me motivated to stick with both the workouts and the blog.  I also posted some pics of our home-made gym!  It's not pretty down there people.  We work out hard next to a Thomas Train table, a ball pit and MOUNTAINS of baby clothes but it works!  We are 14 days into our P90x3 journey and MAN I am so glad we have taken this on!  We took our Fit Test on March 3rd and began Day 1 on March 4th.  In the 14 days we have had plenty of opportunity to quit and have resisted. And though rising at the hour of 4:30 a.m. seemed like a recipe for disaster when we started this, I can say I don't think I will ever go back to being a night owl.

Welcome to our 4:30 a.m. meeting place!  

So, I'm not posting measurements or weights or anything like that (I have no balls) but I can honestly say we are already seeing improvements over here!  I was skeptical about a 30 minute routine but, WOW!  How much can you sweat in 1/2 an hour?  A whole frigin' lot!  I'm improving already in weight I can handle and reps I can complete "to failure" (when your body gives up not your mind).  We have been bombarded in these last 2 weeks with chances to give up on this and have it end up just like every other "vow" we've made to health and fitness in the past but we have persevered.  Joel has had at least one late night each week that keeps us up past our new bed time of 9:30p.m.  We have skipped the following morning's 4:30 wake up call and done the workout at night. This is not optimal for 2 reasons.  1) working out at night is awful for us.  Especially because we are home.  It is ALL WE CAN DO to drag ourselves out of bed (where we relax with our boys every single night before bed reading books or watching a movie) and down to our freezing basement to work out for 1/2 an hour!  It is also awful because usually working out at night means we skip all the other "necessary things" that need to be done in a night:  dishes, load of laundry etc.  By the time the workout is done and we've showered it's most definitely 9:00/9:30 at night and in order to not get into a horrible cycle of missing our a.m. workouts, we skip the chores, head to bed and get up at 4:30 the next day.  2) It is awful not having a full 24 hours to recover from one of these workouts.  There are sessions in this program that make my muscles shake most of the day.  If I hold a glass of water straight out in front of my face at LUNCH TIME my arm is shaking STILL after the workout at 4:30 a.m.!  Doubling-up is not ideal.  The rest is important.  But we do it when we need to stay on track.  If anything, it motivates us to keep it slow and steady, be on time and be efficient in using our time, because we know how awful it is to work out AFTER a long, exhausting day and then to have to work out just 8 or so hours later, just as hard.

On top of a few late nights, we have been battling illness.  I was knocked out with a cold the first weekend and managed to get that nasty "being stabbed in the abdomen repeatedly and vomiting everything...like, EVERYTHING" stomach flu this past weekend.  We didn't miss any workouts because of the cold but I felt awful nonetheless.  The stomach flu, however, royally messed up this past week for me.  We had already skipped Friday morning's early workout because of a super late night for Joel (like, past midnight).  We intended on doing it Friday night to catch up and then working out Saturday night instead of the morning to give us the rest time.  Well,  Friday night we ended up in our bed with the boys and we woke up at 11:00p.m. to everyone sprawled in different corners, snoring, drooling etc. We moved the boys and said, "Yup!  Back to bed!"  So our new plan was to do Friday's workout on Saturday and not have a rest day on Sunday.  Well, Saturday began the flu for me.  Joel stuck to his plan and got his workouts in Saturday and Sunday.  I missed both and decided not to stress about "catching up" but to just get back to it on Monday.  I subbed out the Monday morning workout for one I know is more challenging and will get back to early morning wake up with Joel on Tuesday and we'll be on the same workout.  This is progress in and of itself in my eyes because a year ago, I'd have quit by now saying "see, it just never works!"  Well, life happens. It's not about perfect execution. It's about adaptation and perseverance. It's also been an important committment between the two of us that if one of us skips and the other IS CAPABLE of working out, that they still stick to it.  This has helped motivate the other (me thus far) to get back to it because Joel is on track.  NOT TO COMPETE but to maintain our progress together.

Adaptation and Perseverance NOT perfection.

Lastly, I want to talk about the 4:30 wake-up time.  This seemed absolutely unattainable for me when we first started talking about wanting to workout more but struggling to find a time or times that worked for our schedule.  How did we really arrive at 4:30 a.m.?  I'll explain.  Joel leaves for work every morning by 6a.m. He arrives home between 6 and 6:30.  His commute is usually 4 parts into Cambridge:  he drives to the Littleton train station to catch the early Express Train into Porter Square.  There, he catches the Red Line to Kendall Square where he walks a few blocks to work.  As of late, he has been driving straight into Alewife from home and skipping the Commuter Rail.  This doesn't really save him much time but it gives him the flexibility to take meetings "on the road" for his drive home instead of just staying late at the office and being home after the boys are in bed.  He can't be on the phone on the Commuter Rail having a meeting but he can in his car.
Our routine prior to March 3rd was that he rose at 5a.m. to get ready and left by 6.  I slept until he left for work and I would either get up on my own or usually one of the boys was up anyway and I started my day. We both work our asses off all day long to re-congregate at the dinner table for 6/6:30 p.m.  We scoff down dinner until 7 when we give the boys baths and then get them ready for 8:00p.m. bed time.  From there, we clean the kitchen, fold a load of laundry, watch 18 episodes of Breaking Bad, fight, eat oreos, play candy crush...you know, the stuff real married people do!  Our bed time was 11p.m.
We tried breaking up our gym times and each of us getting in workouts different nights of the week.  This posed several problems.  Joel's routine is highly inconsistent.  And because the Devil is real, his late nights almost always fell on what were my nights to get out.  Then I didn't want to give up Target nights or date nights to catch up on workouts and before you knew it we had 1 night a week where ONE of us could work out.  Asenine.  For lack of real articulation of the issue here I'll just say that it just doesn't work at night. After a 12-13 hour day to ask 2 parents (1 who is done with the kids and the other who is feeling deprived of them, both who are feeling the heaviness of too much time apart every day) to separate an additional 1-2 hours of the night is unreasonable.  We would fight more and felt worse in this routine.  I constantly felt tired and was convinced that lack of sleep was my issue.  "I'm not getting a full 8 hours!" I would say.  Well, I'm still not getting 8 hours.  And I can tell you the energy has skyrocketted!
We now wake at 4:30 a.m.  We are dressed and downstairs by 4:45.  We workout until 5:15 or so.  From there we shower, and drink our first coffee of the day together.  The boys have yet to wake up while we're doing this routine.  Granted we are all the way downstairs in our basement but often the shower  would wake them when Joel was getting ready alone.  Somehow, this has not happened to us yet.  We have this entire hour and 1/2 to ourselves.  No kids, nothing but us, our goals and some time for conversation after we reach them.  It has given me everything I WANTED in the night routine...just in the morning.  At night, we still scoff down dinner from 6-7 then do baths and sit with the boys until 8 when they are ready for bed.  But we are more motivated to get right up after they go down to get those dishes and laundry done.  The sooner the chores are done, the sooner we can hit the sack and rise for another early day.  If we are super ambitious, one of us will tackle the dishes and kitchen alone while the other is doing baths so when the boys are ready for bed we have an hour to chill out ourselves at night still.  Again, I can't really articulate why, but this doesn't always happen.  Sometimes I want to sit in the bathroom with the three of them while the boys are in the tub so I can just TALK TO AN ADULT!  And that postpones dishes and laundry until later.  
I have been so thrilled with the new 4:30 wake up time.  I honestly, can't imagine ever going back!  Granted I was sick this weekend, but I slept in this morning (saved my workout for nap time) and I felt awful all morning!  I wasn't showered, I was extra slow moving, I wasn't hungry so I skipped breakfast....this list goes on.  Waking at 4:30 and getting that workout done gets me up, awake, moving, showered and fed before my kids are awake!  I've realized how important the "fed" part here is too.  In the morning, alone, I have the time to feed myself.  When I'm feeding my kids I just never remember that I exist and need sustenance!  Usually, I get them fed (a usually very healthy well balanced meal mind you!), then after I clean up after them, get them settled on an activity and finally get to re-microwave my coffee I go "crap! I never ate breakfast!" Which usually turns into a granola bar.  Not.  Sustaining.  When I can eat a full breakfast without distraction, I do it better.

You work with what you've got.  And what we've got is an
old t.v., some space on a work bench and a video
baby monitor! 

I think I said it in my original article and I'll say it again:  I'm entering a time in my life where I feel like I"m done complaining about the things that don't work and just figuring out what needs to give in order to make it work.  OR reassesing whether that particular thing needs to be valuable to me or if I'm giving it value because others do or I think I should.  I know the difference between the things I really would love to have the time and money for in my life but probably don't really need and the things I should be making the time for and spending money on. My physical condition and health are right at the top.  Enough is enough with the reasons I can't do it.  And this isn't just about "weight loss" folks!  I'm not an overweight woman. But I'm educated and wise enough to know that I am not living at my optimal level of health.  I have some atrocious eating habits and am insulted by the decline in my strength and flexibility over the years.  I know that these things will only worsen with time and it's important to do whatever I can do to assist in the quality of my life while I'm blessed with it.  It's also important to me that my kids learn what healthy living is not through a book or this long, hard process of trying to train themselves into it as adults.  I want to model it for them so they grow up modeling healthy behaviors and finding friends and partners who do the same.  This is bigger than weight loss or bathing suits. This is truly a lifestyle change.  We've all heard it over and over and over again.  For some reason, this is the year it's hitting us and we're running with it!

Bath Time Part 2

I have got to learn to let the night unfold before I publish blogs.  So much more can happen in such a small amount of time...

Not ONE SECOND after I published the photo of the hanging faucet penguin from tonight's bath, did my 18 month old throw a rubber duckie out of the tub followed (I really have no idea how) by his ENTIRE BODY! LITERALLY, flew out of the tub WITH the rubber duck he was trying to toss.  Face plant on the bathroom floor, Declan screaming "Liam's flying!"  Mommy yelling, "What the HELL is going on in here?!"

I swear, I would give up sensitive information to the CIA (if I had any they were really interested in) if they played audio tapes back to me of bath times passed.  "Ok!  Ok!  I'll give you whatever you want just don't make me relive bath time between the ages of 1 and 4!"  It's just that bad *_*

Bath time

Bath time is a torturous event for parents and tub toys alike. The number of times we have to yell, "stop splashing!" makes me want to stuff my head in a pipe too. I feel your pain, penguin. I feel your pain.    *-*

Declan's hair

I'm giving my kid a complex about his hair.  My only real "claim to fame" with this child is that he inherited my thick, curly hair.  He wakes up every day with knots all over his head and when I comb it out he screams at me "you're pulling my hair!" And I say "I know I have to get the knots out though!"  Now, I think, he's convinced that knots are these living, creepy, crawly things that live on his head.  He's always like:  "Mummy did you get the knots out?" and this morning when I was combing Liam's hair:  "Mummy, let me see Liam's knots!"  Sorry dude.  You're scarred for life I'm sure but I'm doing my best over here.  It took me 25 years to learn to love my crazy, knotted hair.  You're in for a long haul.

Why I Think My Oldest Child Will Always Hurt More

This week we secured Declan's spot in a preschool that Joel and I fell in love with.  "Village Nursery School" in Harvard is where he will be going starting this coming fall for his first year of pre-preK.  He's an October baby so won't be eligible to start Kindergarten in 2015 as he will still be 4 for a month of the school year. So he will start in 2016.  I had the option of keeping him home for one more year and just doing one year of pre-K but Declan is itching to go to school.  He craves the socialization and, frankly, needs the structure.  That's one thing I'm not naive enough to have trouble admitting:  that being a stay at home mom, my kids don't have a highly structured day. We have a schedule, but we all know it's flexible and really, we just do what we want every day.

With all of this talk, recently, about preschool and my little baby growing up, I've been coping by looking forward to the time alone that I will have with Liam while Declan is off for a few hours every other day.  I think about all of the time Declan had me to himself.  Sometimes I feel guilty that Liam doesn't know that feeling.  But then, one day I tried splitting them up for their "room-time" each in his own room and Liam cried at his door yelling "Daga" (Declan) and begging to be put in the room with his big brother.  It dawned on me that Liam doesn't know anything other than a life shared with many who love him and while he will undoubtedly love his time alone with me, it probably doesn't bother him at all that he doesn't have it currently. 

Today, Liam went down for an early nap and Declan, who has been skipping naps occasionally, sat and had lunch with me.  We had the best conversation!  He asked me why we can't eat cake for lunch.  I explained. He said "Oh!  But what about candy?  Is candy 'not a lunch food' too?"  

I said "Indeed, candy is not a lunch food either."  

He sat there, eating his half of the chicken sandwich I made us both, saying, "this is good mummy!  You make good sandwiches!" He told me he is excited to get to the mall play place this afternoon and that he'd rather "(me) and daddy not go out on a date night tonight and all of us just stay here and play."  I reminded him that his favorite babysitter, Adrianna, is coming over and he said "yeah but she's too pretty. I'd rather you."  (Do you hear that Adrianna?  You're just too pretty for him he'd rather just ugly ol' me!)  When we were done eating he took his plate to the sink, cleaned up his crumbs with a napkin, threw that in the trash and I just sat there watching him move like such a KID rather than a baby and I started to cry.  I realized that this lunch date we just shared will no longer be possible once he goes off to school and that, for the zillionth time in his life, I am literally watching him grow up.

In September I will send him 3 days each week to a school with strangers.  I will probably be that mom that circles the preschool for a couple hours because I'm afraid to go too far.  That child in there, that is just another kid to come through their very awesome school, is the first baby I birthed into the world.  He is the first person to put my life into real perspective.  He is so, very special to me and I am trusting them to treat him with the kindness and respect he is due.  He means the world to me and though I know he will need to be disciplined and held accountable like all learning 3 and 4 year olds, I need to know that he is experiencing kindness.  (Such a simple concept that means so much more after you have children right?)  Anyway, as I adjust I know that I will leave the town of Harvard to travel back home with Liam where we will bond.  And I will love that.  But in this bonding time with Liam lies the subtle realization that I have already lived my very short years of "solely mine time" with Declan.  It is over.  It is gone.  Those years I spent not sure I could survive stay at home motherhood are over...and with that, my only years to have that baby boy all to myself. From now on I will share him.  With other adults and new friends.  All of whom I hope will love him!  But I'm afraid of the first encounter he has with an adult or a kid who just doesn't like him.  My heart breaks over this boy, looking into the eyes of another human being trying to figure out why they don't like him without me there to help him process that.  He might be 4 but he is still a baby.  When you live 75 or 80 years, you're technically a baby until you're like, 20!  And I am so overwhelmed that this time is already upon me.  I know he is ready and I know we'll do fine but I am sobbing here at my computer screen writing this just picturing that first drop off day. Those glittery eyes that just stared at mine all through our lunch date, sparkling with excitement over cake and candy and my awesome sandwiches, will forever be mine to share.  I'm not a good "sharer."  

Since Declan was born I have found myself crying at every milestone.  When he could hold a bottle himself, when he crawled and walked and talked and ran and climbed the stairs and the fridge and the rock-wall outside....when he started sleeping in a big-boy bed and started Sunday school at church and turned "2" and went for his first bike-ride and first explained to me that "he was just feeling frustrated and didn't want to talk right now" I cried.  I cry now over things like preschool and the end of "Toy Story 3." Sometimes, I walk upstairs and crawl into bed with him and just cry over that boy that is evolving in front of my very eyes.  I run my hands down the length of his body and realize how tall he is.  I try to remember what it was like to hold him when he was so small he could fit in one arm.  Sometimes, it's hard to remember.  I am in a stage right now where I have a hard time looking at his baby pictures or videos of him when he was a little toddler just starting to figure out his world. I ask myself, "was it all supposed to go by that fast?"  And I know that the answer is "yes."  

I struggle with guilt, sometimes, that I don't often stare at Liam and cry over his metamorphosis the way I still do Declan.  But I've realized over the last year or so that the reasons I'm crying aren't over the beauty of a growing boy, but the fear that it really is going by too fast...that I'm not doing enough to savor him...that I've missed my window of opportunity to fix mistakes or do more and it's a "done deal."  I think I'm learning through Declan the pace at which a child is supposed to blossom and grow and expand.  And I think he's right on par.  Still, every new thing he does and every year older he grows will be the first of that change I am seeing in my children.  And I will wonder every time if it's right, or good, or ok.  

I remember, this past September, I posted on Facebook for Liam's birthday that he was the baby who taught me to believe in myself and Declan was the boy who taught me to be brave.  I am reminded of this as I write today. For Liam, I am a much more confident and relaxed mom.  His demeanor reflects this in me.  He, at 18 months old, has a way of reassuring me because he knows, that I know, that I am fine.  Declan doesn't always have that benefit.  Sometimes I think he senses that I'm not sure...that I don't believe in myself yet.  And while he doesn't always know if I'm capable of something it's not in his nature to hesitate.  So he says "Go mummy.  Go for it. Be brave like me!"  And so we jump off of cliffs and into strange waters together and learn as we go.  This will make for one hell of a bond as we both grow.  But I think it will always mean that I feel the pains of a growing child more with Declan than I do with my younger children. Or maybe that I just don't handle it as well.  I was snuggling with Liam today watching him eat his feet and thinking A) that's disgusting B) it's amazing that we are EVER that flexible and C) that I will miss him being this size and this age in a very short while...because he will be 2 in September and, well, won't be snuggled up next to me with his feet in his mouth anymore.  I didn't cry.  I smiled, hugged him a little closer and breathed him in.  I felt the same pain. That "this is almost over" pain that I've become too familiar with.  But it didn't scare me the way it sometimes does when I'm feeling it with Declan.  Because it's not the first time I'm feeling it.  And I know how this goes, the "letting go" of each and every brief and fleeting stage of my baby boys' lives.  I never really understood how deep a love could run for another human being.  It's not something you can articulate in words. But I know that these little growing men that live in my home were meant to be mine.   They are so unique from each other and so essential to my becoming the mom I want to be:  Liam, the boy who believes in me and Declan, the boy who makes me brave.  

(Photo by Davis Photography & Design Leominster, MA)

How do you feel, moms of multiple kids?  Is your oldest always a tough transition?  Your younger ones much more "smooth-sailing?"    

As always, thanks for reading!  <3

-K

"I Never Thought I'd Ever Say..."

This lovely bunch of coconuts, ladies and gentlemen, is the clan of children, blessed upon myself and my husband's siblings and spouses.  Six boys and four girls ranging in age from 7 to 17 months old.  I will introduce them (starting from the top left):  Declan, Bella, Taylor, Atalia, Connor, Owen, Cole, Josiah and Ruth and Liam sitting up front.  My husband has 3 siblings the oldest only 2 years older than himself.  His saintly mother birthed 4 kids in 3 years:  The two girls first, just a year apart from one another and then, a true "cherry on the cupcake," a set of twin boys the following year.  This made for all four of them  marrying and then having kids within a relatively short span of time.

Our family has been vacationing together every summer since 2008.  Every year we take a photo, much like this one, to help document our growing family.

Vacation 2013.

The day of pictures is a sweet madness we do out of love for our children and a need to see ourselves dressed up, maybe even with our hair and makeup done, in a photograph, annually.  (Something about a nice family photo that says "Oh, we have our shit together!")  The family always tends to draw lots of attention when we take these photos.  This past summer a neighbor who lived next to our vacation house overheard the bustling crew outside and offered to take the big family photo for us.  The year prior to that we stopped in the White Mountains in NH alongside a scenic area and a small crowd watched us take the photos and showered us with compliments about how lovely our family is (and how my brother in law was wearing shorts instead of jeans and was throwing everything off)....Sorry Eric I had to!

Vacation 2012

At any rate, this article is not about our collection of family photos.  The vacations we take each year have come to be a place and a time where we reconnect and reflect on our family and our children.  Vacations, as I mentioned before, were born in 2008.  There were only 2 babies in the family at that time.

Family Photo 2008

In 2009 there were 4 babies.  Two of them (Bella and Taylor) were weeks old (if that)!  2009 was a special vacation because it was our last one spent with my late Mother In Law, Mary.  She died just a few short weeks after our vacation of Breast Cancer at the age of 51.

Vacation 2009

She's a woman I feel robbed of my time with to teach me the best of woman and motherhood alike.  A woman whose absence is felt by everyone in her family....a lot of the time.  She will undoubtedly be the topic of many future articles so I won't digress to deeply here.

On that vacation in 2009, as we were absorbing what we knew would be our last few months with her physically in our worlds, we tried our best to keep it together.  We chased the 2 boys around, took them mini-golfing, moms were up all night nursing newborns, battling mastitis and the adults did our best to not step on each other's toes.  In the midst of the chaos and the heaviness, two very significant memories were born on this vacation.  One was quite cruel and is detailed below.  The other is of my sister in law, Renee, mom to Cole and then newborn Bella, yelling out "Cole!  We do not put chicken in our diaper!" as the kids chowed down on McDonald's one afternoon.  Maybe because of the tension and emotion trying hard to weigh us all down or maybe because it just really is that funny, we broke out in hysterical laughter. Only two couples on this vacation had children so, admittedly, the two couples without kids lacked the real understanding of why that conversation was so funny. It was hilarious nonetheless as we listened to the other parents list example after example of things they had said in a moment of panic, frustration or confusion then stopped afterward to ponder the words that just came out of their mouths.  'Why was it necessary to just declare that?'And there began the first conversation of "Things I Never Thought I'd Ever Have to Say..." (which, co-incidentally, is the title we have agreed upon should this collection of obnoxious declarations ever be published as a Coffee Table book).  Eventually with all four couples blessed with those lovely kids you see up top we still don't quite know why we have to exclaim the things you will read below, but we know, after ten kids, that they are said often and repeatedly.  On the one hand we wonder if we've collectively lost our minds.  On the other its a healthy and much needed validation that our kids are normal and our parenting, well, decent at least ;)

Note*  This will be an ongoing collection.  What you see here are but a few examples.  Myself and my three sisters and brothers in law will have rights to add to this post whenever they are able.  I will re-post as new "Never Thought I'd Evers" are added.   As often as possible we use photos of our actual children for these.  


The "YOU CAN'T EAT THAT" Series

I mean, really? caught on film eating a pine cone.
This is one to keep handy for his future girlfriends.  

 "We do not eat pine cones." 

Although, with a face like that, why not eat some sand?  

"Or Sand." 










                      

                                                                                                       

The "YOU CAN'T DO THAT" Series

JUST the way it looks....-_-

"You CANNOT push your brother off of the coffee table!"  











"Do NOT run over the baby with your PowerWheel."

Two kids never looked like they were up to LESS good on a
PowerWheel. Declan's wearing nothing but his underwear
and Atalia is drinking!  Our family rebels right here folks.

  












                                                                
                                   
                                         

The "YOU CAN'T FIT THERE" Series

Nope.  Not gonna fit in there, Liam.  

Why do they think they can fit into things like this?  Or, maybe it's just my kids...hmmmmmm.

*_* Really?

SOMETIMES THE ADULTS ARE TO BLAME

"WHY IS THE BABY ON THE ROOF?!" 

image courtesy of geekologie.com 

This was the cruel memory that came out of 
Family Vacation, 2009 except, well, Cole really was on
the roof.  It was a skylight overlooking the kitchen.  It had a VERY SAFE balcony and a deck surrounding it.  Eric took Cole and lifted him so only his little, baby head could be seen through the skylight.  He thought it would make Renee laugh. -_- Needless to say, it ended up not being very funny in the moment.  In hindsight we all find it quite hilarious.  But this is a statement we felt confident we would never have to yell out again...Until Declan and Tali were born.  

Uncle Joel and Uncle Nathan hard at work confusing our
children on the concept of flight. 

"No, you can't fly on your 
own.  Only when your uncles are throwing you..."

"No, you cannot jump off of the train like your Auntie!" 


The photo to the left is one of some of the family (on our 2012 vacation) at StoryLand in New Hampshire.  This smiling picture was taken just moments after we boarded the train and began snacking on some apples and juice boxes.  During this time we were given clear and concise rules and expectations to be followed by all passengers aboard the StoryLand Express.  One of those expectations was that no one, for any reason, should exit the moving train.  Well, mere minutes later, after an angry toddler (Declan) threw his sippy-cup from the train, Auntie Renee (way up front looking back at the camera) decided to leap rebelliously from the moving train to rescue said sippy-cup. Yyyyup.  Stopped the train. Lectured by the "Conductor."  Her 3 year old screaming "MOOOMMMY!  DON'T GO!" as she rolls 007 style onto the lawn. Forty-five people staring at her as she stood in the grass waiting for permission to re-board the train.  Conductor, quite literally, yelling into his radio-speaker at her:  "WE DO NOT JUMP OFF OF TRAINS! DID YOU NOT HEAR THE RULES?!" I'll never forget her standing there, holding that sippy-cup and, after his loud lecture via speakerphone was over, looking hesitantly at us all and asking "so, am I allowed back on the train?"  And an elderly couple whispering to her "Maybe you better just get in the back honey."  Oh my, I do love this vacation. The memories we make.................

A very pregnant, Me, and a very curious Declan asking,
"I jump like auntie Ney?!" 

Meanwhile, two days later on an ACTUAL train....













STAY TUNED to this post folks.  It can only get better from here. As always, Thanks for reading <3

-K

Lent And Why I'm Excited to Turn 30.

Don't mind me while I pound some
extra coffee before Lent *-*

So, religion is not bound to be something I write often about via this blog but as it is part of my life and motherhood, it may make an occasional appearance.  My family, which is Christian, is preparing for Lent.  Lent is something I have always been familiar with, as I was raised Catholic.  Though I have to say, I have never really understood or participated in it with real emotion or expectation of deep, personal growth.  The Church my family attends has a unique "rendition" of the 40 Day Fast and we are tailoring it for a second year in a row to help us grow a little in our physical, emotional and spiritual health.  This article is not a lesson on "Lent" and why you should or shouldn't do it, don't be scared ;)

Growing up Catholic, I always practiced Lent as the act of choosing one thing to give up or, "fast," for the 40 days prior to Easter Sunday.  Being a child, I would pick things that were either easy to give up or near to impossible because I had no deep understanding of this tradition or how to set small attainable goals for oneself when trying to make change.  I remember giving up chocolate one year for Lent.  Wildly successful! I was probably 15.  I had probably overheard my mother vow to give up chocolate for Lent.  I was far too young to really understand "chocolate dependence!"   I remember asking one year if I could give up homework. Particularly massive failure.  Now that I am an adult and willingly seeking knowledge in my faith and better grasp the idea of how "fasting" helps to make us aware of the things we rely on to provide comfort, stability, security, SANITY outside of the natural peaceful nature of our souls, Lent has become something I look forward to.  It was a time, last year, where my family produced real, long-lasting change for the better in some of our eating and lifestyle habits.  I believe part of the reason We've been able to accomplish these small changes is because our church is sort of genius in the way it has "re-designed" the 40 Day Fast.  Instead of 40 days of fasting one or more items, comforts, "fixes," we break up Lent into 4, ten-day fasts.  They do not build upon each other.  Once the ten days is up you can go back to eating/using/participating in what you just fasted for ten days.  Maybe you decide to keep it going for the whole 40 days.  Maybe it lasts for the rest of your life. At any rate here's how it breaks down:   

So Lent beings tomorrow, March 5th and, for our family it begins with a 10 Day "Media Fast."  Media includes:  Television, Newspapers, Magazines, Internet, Radio and Social Media of all formats.  Some media cannot be fasted because it is required for work or peaceful household functioning.  For example, Joel who is a Software Engineer for Amazon, simply cannot fast the internet.  I, new to the blogging world have decided that I will limit my internet time but don't want to fast the internet when I'm just starting to get on a roll here.  What we are doing:  I am fasting radio.  Sometimes, I get in my car because I'm desperate for silence and quiet and you know what happens?  I blast the radio and check-out.  For ten days, in my car I'm going to listen to the sound of my tires turning and my kids jabbering.  If I'm using the car ride as a desperate escape plan from the noise in the house you know what?  I'm keeping the radio off and giving the kids either food or their Leap Pads and Kindles to occupy them for a few precious minutes of silence.  Maybe, JUST MAYBE, winter will throw us a frigin bone here and warm up just enough to be able to roll the windows down while we drive!  Is that so much to ask?!
I will also be fasting Facebook other than "Mommy In Me" posts.  I'm going to try my best to not waste 25 minutes scrolling through the news feed to check out everyone else's business for ten whole days.  And NO HUFFINGTON POST ARTICLES!  I really have a sickness there.
I have no intention whatsoever of fasting the Today Show (I'm a young soul.  I'm not prepared for that level of spiritual devotion).  But I am fasting T.V. between the hours of 12 and 3 p.m.  That's usually when I get my boys down for SOME part of an overlapping nap and I eat lunch and watch some T.V. for up to an hour when they do end up asleep at the same time. I'm replacing that hour with blogging, spring cleaning or even reading some books I'm far behind on.  I find I never feel fulfilled spending that hour watching T.V.  I do it out of a sense of "I better take that hour whether I really need it or not because it could be THE only hour I spend alone all day!"  I think I'd feel much more accomplished and full if I better used that hour.  Honestly, that hour would be better spent asleep than watching 2 episodes of "Sister Wives!"  I'm also fasting on behalf of my boys, T.V. between the hours of 3-5 p.m.  The mornings we tend to be busy, often out of the house so T.V. is rare at that time of our day.  The afternoon when they get up from naps, however, is a different story.  By then I've started cleaning, folding laundry, prepping dinner and I use T.V. to keep them occupied sometimes so I can complete ONE TASK! I think a majority of the time I don't over-use it but particularly this time of year I know that I do.  So Lent falls at a good time.  We did the same thing last year and I either put my tasks away or they have some room-time so I can complete them.  From 5:00-6:00 p.m. I simply need the flexibility to put t.v. on when I'm actively trying to cook dinner and they are actively trying to tear down my house.  God would want me to have a house right?  T.V. it is!  The goal in these 10 days is to de-clutter the mind.  I did a similar "tailoring" of this 10 day fast last year and was shocked at how much input my brain is subject to in a day and how little I actually pay FULL ATTENTION to some things as a result of this.  So, this brings us to March 15th. 

The second ten-day fast is what we call a "fiene" Fast.  

Where we give up caffeine (chocolate, coffee, soda etc), sweets like ice cream, cake, Oreos, Alcohol, cigarettes and even shopping malls.  The idea here is to show your body and your brain who's in charge when it comes to getting a "quick fix."  You know what this means for me?  No coffee (probably not fasting 100% but cutting down for as many days as I can) and....*dun, dun, dun* NO TARGET!

Such a beautiful, wonderous place.  *sigh*

Target is a place of spiritual healing for me, I truly believe this.  To wander, aimlessly, the aisles at Target with a Starbucks Latte in hand snatching clearance clothes, home decor, food and toilet bowl cleaner all in one trip does something for my soul.  I think it symbolizes to me that someone in the world knows how to do it all!  (the only thing Target needs is a lounge area where we could sit and drink our coffee and say "f the toilet bowl cleaner" on occasion).  It has become a weekly tradition for me and my sisters in law to visit Target, grab coffee, walk around for hours and be asked to leave by store staff because they've made the announcement three times and we're still perusing baby clothes.  But I'm going to try to not go for ten days.  If I'm that desperate for something outside and mindless to do I'm going to replace it with something else (I have no idea what but it can't involve spending money or shopping in any way).  Maybe I'll drive to the college Library and read a book for a couple hours.  I don't know.  But I know that this is something I've found important in the last year or so.  I've come to rely on a few things in my life very heavily to distract myself from the things that are not functioning at their optimal level.  Our schedule is tough right now with me home full time and Joel commuting daily to Cambridge.  I have kids starting pre-school and a house we've been trying to sell for EVER but can't because it remains "under water" after the market crash.  It's easy for me to fixate on those things which are heavy and mean something big for my family.  To contradict that stress I use things that seem small, insignificant and mindless to cope.  I drink coffee and use Target as some sort of Temple.  Both need to change.  In terms of coffee, well, last year we fasted "Coca Cola" for the ten days and you know what?  We haven't purchased coke for our own home (other than for a cookout or birthday party) since then.  We have consumed it out to dinner or at cookouts and parties but we no longer waste money and our health drinking soda for lunch and dinner. And, when we do drink it, it's usually one or two instead of at LEAST three!  Amazing!  And amazing how little I miss it and how disappointing I find it when I actually do consume it!  Coffee and I have a different relationship.  I don't abuse it the way I did soda.  I like having it in my life.  I think I could stand to cut back but more importantly than the coffee itself, I think I could definitely drink more water on a daily basis and accomplish several things:  1) drinking less coffee, 2) eating less food and 3) no longer stomping around like a zombie from "Walking Dead" in an ongoing state of total dehydration.  I feel like there's no way I should be alive and have normal skin color with the LACK of water in my life!

Waaaaaater!
(image from scifimafia.com) 

I hope to adopt some healthy change here in terms of water consumption.  I have no expectation whatsoever that I will love Target any less or give up coffee completely.  On to the next ten-days.

March 25th Begins the "Veggie Fast."  For the next 10 days you give up meats, cheese, sweets, breads and grains.  You can eat vegetables, fruit, legumes and nuts.  I love the idea of this fast but I just can never seem to do it with whole-hearted intent. Last year we compromised and did this for all meals other than dinner.  This year I think we will do the same.  I can't figure out how to make a dinner for my family that consists of these limited items without making two separate dinners:  one for Joel and I and 1 for the kids.  Kids need a rounded diet and my kids can be picky so I have a hard time making food changes around here.  I know after a fast like this I would be bound to feel 20x's better in and out but I just haven't wrapped my head around it enough to make the commitment 100%.  So this year, we will probably do the same "tailoring" and do the veggie/fruit diet for breakfast and lunch and dinner will be giant bowls of pasta and meat sauce -_-.  I can't ask my kids to fast cheese or breads either.  So they're "off the hook."  ;)  

The final 10 day installment is a Full fast.  Liquids only from April 4-13th.  Many people adjust this and fast every day from sun-up to sun-down.  Others fast 100% for only 3, 4 or 5 days.  People who fast food completely say it deepens their relationship with God by symbolically ridding their body of any physical need for sustenance whatsoever. Once their body is past the feelings of "hunger," it can function despite deprivation and this is attributed to our spiritual power to live without worldly things.  While I am inclined to believe this to be true and to be a remarkable spiritual experience I, am not even attempting this one for a second year in a row.  Last year I was nursing a newborn and a full fast is never recommended for anyone with health issues or nursing and pregnant moms.  This year, well, I'm just not ready for that!  Joel and I recently made a commitment to waking at the unholy hour of 4:30 a.m. to get up together, workout together and drink our first cup of coffee together each morning.  We struggle to find time to spend with each other with the schedule we've been pulling.  He has always had to rise early and I have always slept the extra hour to hour and 1/2 because the kids (whether born or in utero) had me up all night.  Now the kids are sleeping better and better through the night and you know what?  I'm tired of complaining about the time we don't have.  It's not that we don't have it.  It's that we've never been willing to re-work it.  So we're getting to bed earlier, waking together and accomplishing goals together!  We've been at it a few days already and it's been surprisingly awesome.  I have showered every day for 3 days!  Can I get a "WOOT! WOOT!" from all Stay At Home Moms out there?!  And I haven't needed any MORE coffee to keep me going through the day!  We both have wanted to make more time to keep in shape and have struggled to do that separately because all that means is an additional set of hours we are not spending on our relationship.  So we're killing two birds with one stone here.  P90x at 4:30 a.m. is where we are now bonding and working out.  We don't expect to be sending in before and after modeling photos to Beachbody but we do expect to get physical and relational results here.  That was a long side-rant to make the point that I NEED SUSTENANCE IF THIS GOAL IS GOING TO BE ACCOMPLISHED. We will not be attempting the full fast.  Maybe we will try to extend the "veggie fast except for dinner" an additional ten days?  Still thinking on this.  

So there's our church's rendition of Lent.  My point in this article is not to educate you on Lent or promote it as a way of spiritual growth but to highlight that this begins, for myself and many (religious or not), a season of change and new commitments.  I am particularly excited about Lent this year because it marks a season of change in a new decade for me.  I turn 30 this year.  I have never looked forward to a birthday as much as I do this one.  I feel like the most complicated, dramatic, insecure and unbalanced decade of my life is about to be put to rest.  And I cannot wait!  30 marks the first year of a new decade that I intend to know myself, grow myself and show myself better.  By that I mean I will not spend inordinate amounts of time worrying or contemplating what others think or feel about my life and choices (and not in the "angsty" way we all say that when we're 20).  Legitimately, I'm at peace with my life, my past and my goals for my future. Time to just live it out!  I will grow where I need to by acknowledging where growth is needed and the potential is present.  I will not quit on goals because they are momentarily hard because I now know that you can put off a goal and it will only present itself again many months or years later.  And I will present better to the world because I have found that peace and growth and feel secure in both.  When you feel insecure you show only parts of yourself to the world (or all of yourself out of desperation to make a statement like Miley Cyrus?? I speculate).  At any rate, I will show only 100% true, genuine, Kristin to the world because I'm finally good with her.  

So, whether this time of year is a spiritual journey for you or just sort of a coincidental "spring fever ambition!"  I wish you the best in your goals and endeavors!  Send me back some good vibes because we'll need them over here in this household!  

As always, Thanks for reading <3

-K

Care Package FAIL

Oreos are a favorite of my brother, "Uncle Ry," who is currently serving with the Army in Afghanistan.  TWICE now, I have purchased Oreos to send in a care package.  TWICE they have been ripped open by ravenous beasts rendering them "un-sendable" to my brother!  I caught them hiding under the coffee table with today's package each with a cookie in hand......

Aaaaaand a week ago it was me who ripped open the "springtime oreos."  But I didn't even try to hide.  I ate them shamelessly. In bed. With milk.
Worst.  Sister.  Ever.

We will get them to you sometime before October Uncle Ry we promise.  I think I'll pick up my next package EN ROUTE to the post office to ensure their safety!

To Keep A Soldier Smiling

Many of you may know that my 24 year old brother is a 1st Lieutenant in the Army.  He is currently deployed and serving in Afghanistan during these last few months before the Country's first major elections and the eventual United States pull-out from the region.  This is his first Deployment and we're learning fast how to cope with the hardship of having a loved one so far from home doing work that, to be frank, none of us were brave enough to do.  His deployment puts new perspective on the sacrifices countless soldiers have made and are making to stand up to tyranny and protect the freedoms and liberties we take for granted here in our Homeland.  One thing we've learned swiftly is how quickly their spirits can be cast downward and how important it is to help raise them quickly and try to keep them up. Ryan's got a great sense of humor and always has, as long as I can remember.  My other brother, Sean, all of my family and countless friends will be able to vouch for this ;)  Through this page, I will likely discuss his deployment on occasion and will certainly use it as a way to send him images (like this one) that will help keep a smile on his face until October.

The still-photo just didn't quite capture it when we posted 

back in January, Uncle Ry.Hope this better displays 

the atmosphere here at this house *-*  Miss you tons!

Your sister, brother in law and 2 loooooovely nephews!

Thank you to all of the Soldiers whether deployed overseas, stationed in the States or currently not on Active Duty or retired for spending the time you do away from the ones you love <3  We have yet, as a country and a culture, developed a way to adequately express our gratitude but please know it's there. Unspeakably big and overwhelmingly strong.

Thanks for reading everyone <3

-K