2104 Realizations

So it's 2014...my last blog post was in 2011, although I had to have gone in there at some point and updated my profile because my age is accurate and it says I have 2 children (which, indeed I do...).  Wow, I underestimated how hard it would be to keep up with this.  I need to get into the habit of just copying my FB posts here and occasionally writing something special just for the Blog.  At any rate, I'm back (for the day) and trying to get inspired!
My photo of the 3 stackable block towers was what got me on here today.  I took it thinking it would make a good picture and then, because I was subconsciously searching for the inspiration, I drew this parallel to motherhood from that image.
Stack #1 is the perfect, organized, clean cut, put together image I have of what I want to be in my motherhood.  I want a clean house, to shower daily, have my hair and nails always nicely done, my schedule kept and my "pieces" all together.
Stack #2 is the likely reality of my motherhood.  There's an apparent pattern and image there of what its supposed to be and, for the most part, it's in order and organized but there are some pieces missing.
Occasionally, those missing pieces will fill in...only to be replaced by other missing pieces.  Occassionally they are all missing but I know they HAVE to be all here in the same house.  It's just a matter of finding them all and putting them back together.
Stack #3  is the harsh picture I actually have of myself.  It's the "well, that can't be right..." stack.  The "I'll get to it later..." stack.  The "Something is always lacking..." stack.  Everything is mismatched, nothing is in order, everything is lopsided.  All the pieces are there but I don't care enough to arrange them I just mash them all together as I flip a high middle-finger to the world and scream "Please!  Judge me!  I'd love that!"  Its the stack I focus most on.  The things I'm not doing quite the way I thought I would.  The things that never actually get done (i.e. this Blog).  The things that I'm afraid the rest of the world is looking at saying "What the 'f' is going on there?"
I focus secondly on Stack #1 and lastly on Stack # 2.  What an unhealthy pendulum swing from extreme negative to extreme perfection...what a helpful visual realization.
Joel and I attended a marriage seminar this past Valentine's Day weekend.  One of the speakers, Dr. Caroline Leaf, did a segment on releasing toxic thoughts and re-training your brain pathways (very much like "The Secret" except more biological).  I left feeling a new commitment to this measure because I obviously have a need.
I need to focus on Stack #2.  The one that looks pretty good!  The one that is functional, ordered and missing very little.  Occasionally all those pieces are there.  Occasionally different ones are missing but doesn't that represent balance?  I don't seek out the level of perfection in others (as represented by Stack #1) so why do I seek it in myself?
I may print this picture and put it up in places I spend a lot of time.  Re-work those neurons and dendrites to focus on that middle stack because it is true and accurate.  Its not perfect but it's not a disaster!
Ok, this took 10 minutes and my children are still alive!  This can be done....
K