Ok, well, so much for my "new committment" to weekly blogging. It's such a mental block that "free time must be spent" no matter how much I ENJOY just sitting her writing for 30 minutes or so. Oh well, I suppose, with practice, I'll get better at this.
I just created, on "Shutterfly.com" my son's first birthday invitations! What a moment that was. Looking through photos of him from the day he was born until yesterday and thinking about the concept of time again. How intangible it is but how affected we are by its existence. How much I love the fact that he is happy, healthy, growing and developing but how sad it makes me feel that a year of his life is already through. The only thing I can compare it to is the feeling you get when someone deflates Christmas for you and reveals the truth about Santa Claus. Suddenly, all the magic is gone and the Holiday that used to feel like it took ages to arrive is now popping up quicker and quicker each year. And you think to yourself "just try to hold onto that magic!" But you don't and it just becomes a constant reminder that another year is done! I have had so many moments since his birth that I've basked in that magic and then so many others where I feel sad that time keeps moving no matter what we do.
Declan will be a year old on October 8th. We can't celebrate his birthday on his actual DOB because his Uncle Ryan will be off on Army training which, normally, wouldn't be such a big deal but Uncle Ryan goes "Active Duty" next year and may miss the next few birthdays all together :(. So, we opted to bump it a week so he can be there. Declan loves his aunties an uncles and I think its important for everyone to share in those memories. Photos are probably all he'll remember of this first birthday so to have everyone there in those photos will be priceless. Not to mention it'll probably make for great memories for Uncle Ryan ;)
So much happens in a year. I suppose it always has but having a baby around makes that a lot clearer. I was watching him today hiding our cable remote in the dog food bench, dumping Indiana's (the dog's) water all over the floor and stuffing toys into my front loading washing machine thinking "God, I remember when you would just lie for HOURS on your activity mat, staring at the dangly toys and be content. Now, you have about $1200 worth of toys in the living room alone and you want nothing to do with any of them unless you're drowing them in Indi's water bowl!" Sometimes, I have to force out a giggle to remind myself that this is all ok. That he's exploring his world and having fun doing it and it's ok! But keeping up sure is becoming a bigger challenge! As they say in the Army, "Adapt and Overcome."
One Mom, Infinite Possibilites
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
A New Commitment and "Time!"
So after writing my first, very brief, introductory entry back in MARCH I have decided that I will be newly committed to blogging at least weekly about my new motherhood! I have a penciled list in my purse of topics to discuss and I've even written a rough-draft of a piece on being a Stay At Home Mom (SAHM) that I plan to perfect before posting ;) My thoughts and feelings are there. Needless to say, I'm still struggling to structure my schedule in a way that leaves me with an hour here and there to write for my sanity and to empathize with the many new moms I know are experiencing the same struggles and triumphs as myself! For today, I need to touch on the topic of "time." Because as I sit here blogging at 11:00a.m. it dawns on me that the end of July is nearing, that my son is almost 1 year old and that I am definitely planning my 10 year High School Reunion!
I remember when I was in High School I started to feel like time went by faster each year. When I was seven, a year seemed like the longest stretch of time ever. In fact, waiting three hours for my friend to get to my house for a sleepover was torture! Then something happens in High School. It's the first thing in life that you can't wait to get to and that ends before you're ready. It's when you start to fill your free time with sports and clubs and jobs and you realize that time is somethign of value. I feel like every year since my Senior Year of High School has been more a "blur" than the last. Not that the blur isn't full of fantastic memories and accomplishments but, nonetheless, it's a blur! I just finished messaging my fellow class officers because it is time to plan our 10 year Renunion. After I threw up a little in my mouth, I realized its time to start writing!
Time is bound to be a topic I bring up more than a few times in this blog because, since my son's arrival, the speed at which time passes me by has, oh, quadrupled! Since Joel went back to work after his paternity leave our nightly routine is to eat dinner, give the baby a bath and, while I clean the kitchen and maybe throw in a last load of laundry, Joel feeds the baby his last bottle of the day and puts him to bed. Occassionally, on the weekends and/or if Joel isn't home for that time of night I get to do the night bottle and bed routine and rock my little boy to sleep and, without fail, every time I cry. I hold him and realize how he doesn't fit between the arm rests on the rocking chair anymore. I remember his 8lbs. 14 oz. body then versus his 22lb body now (yes, my son is a bit of a beast at 9 months old)! And it just dawns on me that he is growing up, already, into a little boy. When I was seven, a year seemed like the longest stretch of time. At 27, with my son in my arms, the thought of my lifetime feels too short.
I say that and I mean it. But then you know what I did? I spent my entire day yesterday trying to develop some type of block-schedule (much like high school minus the warning bells and the other adults that hold you accountable for being late), because I feel like a complete failure at managing my time. Even though my house is always pretty clean, my laundry is caught up on, there is plenty of food in my cabinets, I have this insatiable need to always be doing more. I spend my days with a nine month old baby and a 3 year old Border Collie/German Shepherd and I struggle to structure my time in a way that leaves me feeling like I accomplish things on a daily basis. Sure, two weeks of emotional build-up and a melt-down later I get a pep-talk from my husband that reminds me that I'm doing a great job at adjusting to life as a SAHM: literally living in my office, working long and unforgiving hours, getting all of the necessary things done week to week all the while keeping our son quite healthy and happy. If I could just get away from my list-making and my schedule-creating self, I might see health and happiness as sufficient weekly tasks. And maybe I could get "time" to stop bullying me into thinking that I don't use it wisely enough and that it will be gone before I know it.
The fact is, I know that time is passing me by. Watching yourself age is one thing. Watching your child age is another and it's difinitively more dramatic. I guess I could continue rambling about this all day to get to the same point which is that I don't have an answer to this one. I'm not sure I ever will. But it's worthwhile to vent about it. Whenever I get talking about time, time management, aging, etc. I think it dawns on me that they are extremely complicated topics with so many issues embedded in them that it's no wonder I feel overwhelmed by it all! Making an Excel Spreadsheet and blocking out my time day by day might be my visual fix to let me know I'm getting it all done the best way I can. But to think it is THE fix that relieves all stress and pressure related to time is foolish.
So, my son is up from his nap and I'm going to take him and my dog for a long walk with my sister-in-law and her three kids. Healthy task, happy family, Tuesday's mission: accomplished!
I remember when I was in High School I started to feel like time went by faster each year. When I was seven, a year seemed like the longest stretch of time ever. In fact, waiting three hours for my friend to get to my house for a sleepover was torture! Then something happens in High School. It's the first thing in life that you can't wait to get to and that ends before you're ready. It's when you start to fill your free time with sports and clubs and jobs and you realize that time is somethign of value. I feel like every year since my Senior Year of High School has been more a "blur" than the last. Not that the blur isn't full of fantastic memories and accomplishments but, nonetheless, it's a blur! I just finished messaging my fellow class officers because it is time to plan our 10 year Renunion. After I threw up a little in my mouth, I realized its time to start writing!
Time is bound to be a topic I bring up more than a few times in this blog because, since my son's arrival, the speed at which time passes me by has, oh, quadrupled! Since Joel went back to work after his paternity leave our nightly routine is to eat dinner, give the baby a bath and, while I clean the kitchen and maybe throw in a last load of laundry, Joel feeds the baby his last bottle of the day and puts him to bed. Occassionally, on the weekends and/or if Joel isn't home for that time of night I get to do the night bottle and bed routine and rock my little boy to sleep and, without fail, every time I cry. I hold him and realize how he doesn't fit between the arm rests on the rocking chair anymore. I remember his 8lbs. 14 oz. body then versus his 22lb body now (yes, my son is a bit of a beast at 9 months old)! And it just dawns on me that he is growing up, already, into a little boy. When I was seven, a year seemed like the longest stretch of time. At 27, with my son in my arms, the thought of my lifetime feels too short.
I say that and I mean it. But then you know what I did? I spent my entire day yesterday trying to develop some type of block-schedule (much like high school minus the warning bells and the other adults that hold you accountable for being late), because I feel like a complete failure at managing my time. Even though my house is always pretty clean, my laundry is caught up on, there is plenty of food in my cabinets, I have this insatiable need to always be doing more. I spend my days with a nine month old baby and a 3 year old Border Collie/German Shepherd and I struggle to structure my time in a way that leaves me feeling like I accomplish things on a daily basis. Sure, two weeks of emotional build-up and a melt-down later I get a pep-talk from my husband that reminds me that I'm doing a great job at adjusting to life as a SAHM: literally living in my office, working long and unforgiving hours, getting all of the necessary things done week to week all the while keeping our son quite healthy and happy. If I could just get away from my list-making and my schedule-creating self, I might see health and happiness as sufficient weekly tasks. And maybe I could get "time" to stop bullying me into thinking that I don't use it wisely enough and that it will be gone before I know it.
The fact is, I know that time is passing me by. Watching yourself age is one thing. Watching your child age is another and it's difinitively more dramatic. I guess I could continue rambling about this all day to get to the same point which is that I don't have an answer to this one. I'm not sure I ever will. But it's worthwhile to vent about it. Whenever I get talking about time, time management, aging, etc. I think it dawns on me that they are extremely complicated topics with so many issues embedded in them that it's no wonder I feel overwhelmed by it all! Making an Excel Spreadsheet and blocking out my time day by day might be my visual fix to let me know I'm getting it all done the best way I can. But to think it is THE fix that relieves all stress and pressure related to time is foolish.
So, my son is up from his nap and I'm going to take him and my dog for a long walk with my sister-in-law and her three kids. Healthy task, happy family, Tuesday's mission: accomplished!
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
More about this Blog...
Hello Blogging world! I am new to this so bear with me...I am a 26 year old woman from Massachusetts. Married for 3 years to a man I've been in love with for almost 7 years now, we welcomed our first baby, a boy named Declan, to the world in October, 2010. His arrival prompted so many changes in our lives, most amazing but some certainly challenging. Five months in, I am discovering a new confidence in myself and going back to my roots as a writer (thanks for the final inspiration "Bobsey Twin Robin!") to delve deeper into this journey I am on. I have no idea where I will begin, I have more than a year of changes, decisions, worries, laughter and love to catch up on! But I do hope to cover it all: from the pregnancy to the delivery room and here to my living room where I am making a living as a full time mom. I can't say I'm writing this for anyone but myself. But if you follow, I do hope you enjoy.
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